Wonderful Insomnia

You know you're doing something right when your sleepless nights are a result of happy, creative, exciting thoughts. 

Tamara

I'm here, outside my apartment. 

Smoking a cigarette with post classical in my ears. 

It's a cool and damp evening. 

I reminisce of the day's events. 

The time I shared with my sister. 

Showing her the city and its little wonders. 

I'm thankful I get to bring her up here. 

If I can accomplish anything on her trip it'd be to show her that the world is overflowed with opportunities to be happy. 

That in every ordinary moment, bliss is there waiting to be felt. 

That in every challenge and disappointment, peace and wisdom are free for the taking. 

That all that is needed to experience these treasures of life is to look for them. 

To turn your attention to them. 

Then immediately you will have them. 

There is no pursuit. 

There is no search. 

Just turn to it and you will have it. 

That with knowing this, every possible outcome of living your dream, both happy and not, is the actual essence of your dream. 

The journey. 

The everyday moments of life directed toward your dream is the dream.

The final accomplishment of it is only one moment of the thousands it is comprised of. 

Live in these eternal flow of present moments and you will live a life of wonder. 

Of beauty. 

Bliss. 

Now = Freedom, Truth & Life more abundant

Live right here in the now. 

Pull your consciousness, awareness, and attention to the now. The present now. 

Fear, doubt, and anxiety don't live in the present. Only in the future. 

They are untrue and distorted thoughts that are concerned with the future. 

Fear of if he will think I'm dumb. 

Doubt of if she will like me. 

Anxiety of if they are judging me. 

All of these thoughts are concerned about the future. They have nothing to do with the present except to control and restrict your behavior, robbing you of being yourself. 

Stay in the right now. There is no next minute or next hour. 

Just now. 

There is no tomorrow or next week. 

Solely now. 

There is no next month or next year. Only now. 

Every moment should be experienced in the present. 

Only when we voluntarily focus on the future to set a plan should we allow attention to be drawn away from right now. It should never involuntarily drift off to the future or even the past unless we deliberately choose to shift our attention for the purpose of reflection. 

There is no consequence for allowing our attention to drift except that we become at the mercy of our emotions to life's circumstances.  

If we have drifted, then when a distorted thought of the future presents itself to your mind, you will experience the negative emotions of fear, doubt, and anxiety. Which can worsen and magnify if you cannot bring your mind back in the present. 

If you however, stay in the preset, when a future thought presents itself, you will let it pass by undisturbed. For you know the truth of the circumstance which the thought addressed. 

Truth lives in the now. 

Attitude toward Facts = Reality

Facts may shape the world, but it's my attitude toward the facts that shape my reality.

Caress

Her before sleep caresses send ripples of affection throughout my body. Like a still motionless ocean my skin is interrupted with her touch. Five gentle dips of her fingers and the small waves resonate all over me bouncing off one another creating peaks of pleasure. As the gentle waves travel further they grow more subtle and less noticeable though never ceasing, like an infinite value ever decreasing but never approaching zero. Immortal they perpetually vibrate with the smallest frequency. Eternally they linger, seeping into my bones, then my cells, and finally into my soul. Where my strength rests like a giant in slumber. Sleeping peacefully unaware that It's power is needed. Until It's chamber of solitude is disturbed by the sweet clamoring of my love's affections. 

Personal journal entry; for public use.

I don't know what to do. Do I build my wisdom and have faith for better things to come? Or do I plan an ambitious and passionate path and go into that headstrong without any hesitation? Or do I do both? Is it that I have all components to my Self-expression and success and now all I must do is assemble them together into the final product; the actualization of my unlived life?

I've learned so much. So much about living in the moment and having faith in the greater power within me. That it's not about hard work but believing and expecting great things to happen. 

Then I'll have a reality check of a conversation with an older friend of mine. Who has made success and has a plethora of street smarts. He says now is the time to give it all I have. To hustle and bustle and do everything I need to do in order to achieve and obtain what I'm pursuing. That I need to step into my confidence and Know within me that I am "all of that" and more. 

To "take life by the balls" and never settle for less. To ignore distractions and never alter myself for anyone. That I have all I need now. To conspire and strategize for my success. Be Bold and don't let anyone tell you you're not enough. 

I feel conflicted. It "seems" that I am hearing two different directions. 

From my readings I gather that I must be present in the moment and visualize and believe for things to get better.

From my friends who've accomplished much I gather that I must "take life by the balls". 

Is it really both?

I truly desire the inner peace of knowing that my Father has everything taken care of and that all I need to do is walk forward and trust in His promises. 

I also deeply desire to rise up in my personality. To be bold and confident. To know what I want and to seize it. To give myself to life. Wholeheartedly with love and fire. 

I don't want to be just a nice person. I don't want to be cute and sweet. I want to be a MAN!!! I want to speak with weight in my words and passion in my eyes. With fire in my chest and love in my heart. I want to own my world, because I know the Father gave it to us for our enjoyment and to reach others who are down. 

I don't know why but I think that I have to choose one way or the other. That I'm at a fork in the road. Where I can choose to take one of two paths. One being the road of inner peace and faith. 

The other being inner desire and passion and outward expression. 

I reread the above paragraph and I begin to think that there is no fork in the road. That there isn't two paths. That there is only one. One path. That this path is the convergence of my two hypothetical paths. That I am  stalled in the middle of my path by a mirage of a fork in the road. There is no fork! As I observe closer it begins to dissipate. I am on my road. I am on my path. Everything I've been reading and learning and everything I've been hearing and experiencing are all connected. They are all the sum of one part. They are all the road signs I've learned to decipher. As I became more aware of myself and my world through readings and meditation I have picked up understanding of these signs. I've collected a manual of different signs but did not know for what the manual was to. 

I categorized the different signs into two groups but now I see that they are all of the same manual to the same path. 

How did I get so confused? So turned around? Where did this "fork in the road" come from? How did I not notice I was seeing a mirage directly before me? What comes to my mind is something Steven Pressfield describes in his book "The War of Art" as "Resistance." Resistance being that force within all of us moving toward self destruction. That this force is insidious and extremely cunning. That it will use the best of you to beat you down. That we must be vigilant and aware of this force and work through it. The more we fight Resistance the weaker the hold it has on us. Though we can never cease to work against it because that is when it will overcome us. It will lie and wait until you believe it has left you and then without you knowing it, it will have slowly crept back in your life. It will be dictating your actions behind the scenes all because you've become complacent and satisfied with where you were at. Thus robbing you and the world, who are in wait of your greatness, of expressing your Self to your maximum potential. 

A lesson learned. A life lived better. 

This was a personal journal entry, in attempt for clarity. Though, after reading through it I feel I must share this. I know that I am not the only one battling faith and logic, inner peace and passion, confusion and disorientation. I write because I enjoy the clarity it brings me. If you've read all the way through this, I hope you see the effectiveness that writing your thoughts can have on clearing your thinking and sharpening your resolve. Writer or not it is an ancient practice that benefits all who try it. 

With love. 

Ceilings: a balloons' unhappiness

I am happy. I have found happiness and it seems to have found me. But I feel as if I've hit a ceiling in my happiness. That this is as good as it's going to get at this point. Repeatedly I rise to my highest level of happiness and then I dip down to a slightly lower one. Like a balloon bouncing off a ceiling......I need to look to build the happiness of others if I am ever going to feel more.

Sight

Birth is the beginning of life but sight shares not the same genesis 

Vision is what our eyes can see but holds it no emphasis

For when we see only what our eyes can find 

Then to our misfortune we are most certainly blind 

No doubt a wonderful day when our first breath is taken 

But divine is the day when our mind's eye is awakened 

Imagination > Knowledge 

Faith > Circumstance

Divinity = Imagination + Faith + Your Life

What lives inside

We are all living lives of uncertainty 

Lives of surprise and pure originality 

But we think we know otherwise and get bored with monotony

When we don't realize that we are just one small choice away from spontaneity

Same old days with the same old things

Not seeing we are the one weaving the strings

Until one day we sit scratching our head

Wondering life can't be just this but instead 

Days where laughter is behind every turn 

And every moment is a lesson to learn 

That dreams are just as real as the paychecks we are expecting to receive

And nothing more is required to make them come true but simply to believe 

It is not that we are unaware of all this 

Walking from breakfast table to bedroom in ignorant bliss

But that somewhere along the way merely we had forgotten

Likely when we were no longer children and adulthood was not quite gotten

Life is beautiful they say, brilliant and divine

And we ask how did you learn this, where did you cross that line 

You had it all along, inside and waiting they'd say

Then suddenly we realize it is our own voice answering while we pray

We stop scratching our heads, open our eyes, and smile real wide

It is a beautiful life with nothing in our way for we have greatness living inside

-B.C.

Just love

“I do not know if all matter will be found to be made of one element, as oxygen or hydrogen, at last, but the world of manners and actions is wrought of one stuff, and begin where we will we are pretty sure in a short space to be mumbling our ten commandments”

-Excerpt From: Ralph Waldo Emerson. “Essays.” 

Elegantly stated, Emerson implicitly urges us to respect and love each other without judgments and pretensions. 

Fascinating to see writings of the past still run alongside the oldest teachings of time: Simply love. 

With love comes all virtues and manners. We needn't try to be "better" individuals. Just love ourselves, others, and the One. The latter existing and consisting of the two formers. 

If all of what you can see is with your eyes, then you are blind. 

You Are

You are magnificent

Your soul is pure

Stumbling beautifully 

Trying so hard to do right

When right and wrong seem to have no difference 

You tread forward 

Through the fog of youth 

And the night of doubt

What waits for you at the end

Is not so clear 

But you know it is worth the tears

Because anything is better than nothing

So you march on

With fists tight 

Knowing nothing of what's ahead

Forgetting all that is left behind 

Love is Virtue

The light spectrum of love are the virtues of man. Not by concentrating to strengthen virtue do we acquire its qualities, but by love. Simply living out of love does our light shine through the different shades of circumstance which filter its color to specific virtues. 

Restriction + Creativity = Good

Restricting the range and generalization of your creativity can force you to focalize your creativity and enhance ideas. 

Like energy, creativity cannot be destroyed, only manipulated and transferred. If made smaller, it is more dense and concentrated.  

Ideas^x

x = (Intentional + Specified) (Restrictions) +Creativity

IDEAS^x = Revolutionary 

Tongue tools

Holding better vocabulary is not a trait of pretension, but a trait of excellence. It is the same as maintaining correct posture. Though it may not always come naturally, you nevertheless will it for you know it is good for you. 

Who What How

In the life of Faith we do not concern ourselves with What, When, Why, or How. 

Just Who. 

The Omnipotent. 

Don't flinch

Having greater faith is not acquired through greater effort. Quite the contrary.
Like the game we played as children when our mother or father would stand behind us and we'd try to fall backwards without flinching, fully trusting they'd catch us before we hit the ground; it is the same with trusting in our Heavenly Father.
We cannot put more effort into falling back trusting that He has us. We can however, learn to let go more and close our eyes deeper.
Greater Faith = (Trust - Effort)

Self Augmented Reality

Setting goals for yourself isn't just about having a more targeted aim, it inwardly converts you to expect the specified result.
It is not that we necessarily work harder or smarter in having a clear goal(though it certainly can affect to that), but that we now have a new reality for our minds to bind to and begin to construct in the outer world. In setting clear goals we begin to live in a different reality, one that may not exactly match the seeming present or the reality of others.

Self Augmented Reality > current circumstance.

By setting goals and focusing daily on them, we space-time travel to a different dimension. Where the better You is waiting for you to take Their place so that They can take yours.

Self Love > selfishness.

Pride

When you are offended by something someone says you need to look to your self instead of at them. For people who say offensive things are truly hurting inside and thus communicating from brokenness. Their true intentions are not to hurt you. If you are offended, it is most likely your pride being stirred, which in case provides a beautiful opportunity to lay siege on your pride and watch it starve. 

Mastery

Sharpen your ax

Pleasure, Proverbs, Priority

Low morales are like cheap food and drink. When you have a cheap drink it's usually loaded with sugar to compensate for the poor quality. With food it's soaked in preservatives and additives. When you have it, it tastes good at first but quickly loses it's satisfaction and soon leaves you emptier than before, wanting more or feeling sick. A cycle can easily start and then we all wonder why we aren't satisfied with life. 
The pursuit of pleasure is an empty life (Proverbs 21:7). Pleasure is here one moment and gone the next. To prioritize our life in gaining pleasure is setting us up for constant dissatisfaction. 
Pleasure in itself is not bad the same as money in itself is not bad. But when you make them the ultimate goal for your life then that's when the emptiness grows. 
Ever wondered why people spend so much money on high quality foods and drink? They pay twice, three times, four times as much for something when you can get the "same" thing for loads cheaper. And isn't true that the taste of many things that are of higher quality usually need to be acquired to fully enjoy? 
Yes, but once the taste is acquired nothing compares to the satisfaction the delicacy brings. 
Such is the same with high morales. Though you may "lose" out on many pleasures by choosing not to settle for below grade, the reward is true satisfaction that lasts long after you enjoy its fruits. 
For instance, instead of spending your hard earned money on superfluous nights at the bar on weekends, choose to stay in. Save your money for a few months and take that trip that you keep saying to yourself "one day".

Dying

Be true to yourself.

Fear is a radio

Is fear just a deterrence from a particular thing? 
Or is it more than that?
What if, what we fear is actually what lifts our lives to the very next level of happiness, success, expression, position, and prosperity? 
What if fear is really our subconscious speaking to us. Like the body's only communication is through pain, what if our deeper mind is communicating through fear?
Telling us to face our fears. To look at it straight in the eye and watch it dissolve before us, revealing all the treasures hidden behind it. 
Like a tree fallen on a path causing us to detour, once removed, we now have all that is available along the new unblocked path. Undiscovered strengths, talents, interests, creativity, passions, loves, relationships, ideas, the possibilities are endless. 

Take a moment and ask yourself what frightens you. What are you scared of or scared to do?
Then think of what you are lacking in your life. Passion, adventure, challenges, love, etc.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Mind

A journel-photo entry of someone very dear to me:

"Ever since I took the plunge to NYC I learned a lot of valuable lessons, and one of them is this: You can always choose happiness.
You can CHOOSE to complain about the little and big things in life and only bring about negative, toxic, bitter energy that will seep deep within everything you love, and in yourself.
OR
You can CHOOSE to meditate and daydream of the good things in life, those you love, and an ever loving God who wants to help you succeed and find true happiness in every aspect of your very blessed and beautiful life. You don't need to take on this load and you don't have to be so quick to judgement and anger when all that will ever do is sabotage the very purpose and potential you were put on this earth to do, and the possible millions of other people you can inspire and change for the better.

CHOOSE happiness, don't let your mind control you, discourage and bring you down.. To make you feel worthless and alone.
CHOOSE to meditate on goodness every time you feel depressed or defeated, for it will fill the emptiest parts of yourself and give you a reason to believe, to know your worth and keep going. 
CHOOSE to love always and nothing less. Everyone is battling something, so CHOOSE compassion over disdain and hatred. Don't let the little things take away your joy. It belongs to you and you can CHOOSE to let it be taken or you can CHOOSE to grab and take a hold of it in even in the darkest of times."

Close your eyes

#FallingSun #LiftedColors. #CloseYourEyes and #OpenYourMind. It's there, in that dark space, where #Meaning attaches to #Life. It's there where you will find the one person you've been searching for your entire life. Looking everywhere for. In school. In bars. In the gym. In relationships. In religion. In your career. In your family. In pleasures. In fashion. In books. In travel. In television. In social media. In your past. You will find, in that quiet, boundless, matter-less space inside your mind, awaiting patiently, You. The #TrueYou. Yourself free of the chains of fear. Light-stepping without the weighted gravity of caution. Absent of doubt. Liberated from Indifference. The You that #God intended to#RuleTheWorld with #WeaponsOfMassAffection. You has been waiting for an invitation to take it from here. The only cost: #LetGo.

You, the acorn

The natural order of growth in this world He created. 

As a tree undoubtedly grows when given nourishment by sun and water
So our Soul grows when receiving God's love. 

The tree as it matures from a small twig to a large branchy organism 
Provides oxygen, shade, fruit, resources for everyone around. 

It is exactly the same with us. As we mature in our faith and continue to receive His wisdom, it is simple effect that we stay within His natural order and begin to receive blessings that surpass our own needs and overflow into others' lives. 

It is a natural feeling to want to bear fruit. It is good to crave prosperity. For when these things come to pass during our journey with Him, it means we are growing and maturing into the large branchy organisms He intended. 

As the acorn yearns to shade the field
We crave to grow and bless our world

Man is

Man is what he thinks all day long. 

-Ralph Waldo Emerson   

Photo shoot with NY photographer Ricky Cohete

Knowledge is not power

Desires of your heart

God gave you the desires of your heart. Then won't he also provide means for attaining your dream? It's the same as if the president wanted to develop more public schools. Would he tell the statesmen, teachers, and construction engineers to begin building but give no funding? Of course not. Patiently wait on Him and be persistent in your efforts. He will deliver in just the perfect moment. 

Plan like it depends on you but...

Plan like it depends on you, but pray like it depends on God. 

-Mark Batterson

This quote has answered a question deep in my heart that's been puzzling me most recently. I knew that we have to trust in God and not rely on our own understanding. However, I also knew the power of planning and setting goals for yourself, family, etc. "What am I supposed to do?" I would ask myself. Is making set, definite, clear plans a statement of my lack of faith? Was I supposed to throw my hands in the air and expect God to do accomplish my goals for me? I assumed there was a balance but I didn't know how much of what I was supposed to do. 

This quote revealed to me that there isn't a balance. It's not a little less planning and more praying nor vice versa. It's full blown both! To plan like it depends on your efforts, will power, dedication, and discipline. Then pray like all your plans depend on God to make it happen. 

We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. (Proverbs 16:9 MSG)